Faking it till you make it (or at least get back to where you were)

A large molehill has thrown itself in my path, partly my fault, partly out of my control. We’ll say 50/50.  I am doing my best to go around the molehill and get back on the trail, but my best is more like only because I have to.  Gone is the “Yay! go Me!!” attitude.  Now it’s more like, “ok let’s get this done and over with.”  That translates to at best begrudgingly going to a single skating practice in the season (which started this past September).  At worst, there is an annoyance and anger that simmers just beneath the surface that is so easily read on my face.  My usual “it’s ok, after you” or strolling  turns into “I win” or “I must win”.

So I decided rather than let this beat me (yup more of that I win), I will this time (at least for now) fight back by pretending to be cheery and etc.  In other words I will fake being happy and carefree, and a person who is motivated until I actually am.  I will push myself – actually more like drag myself kicking and screaming mentally – to things I should or must do.  I may not always be able to hide my real attitude, but I will at least show up.  Underneath the annoyances and petty Sheldon(1) like OCD squabbles will have to be pushed off a cliff into some dark alley; or better yet land on top of my preferred Hello Kitty world (which actually makes me laugh).

As for skating and Taekwondo?  Well my Taekwondo contract expired, and it was a bit expensive given my new job and the fact that I stopped attending well over a year ago.  As for skating, after being angry and frustrated for the first 20 minutes of practice and telling the coach that I was (she asked), I finally felt the old fun when we practiced our starts.  I was dead last, against the oldest and youngest on our team.  That made me feel great, just like old times.  Seeing how I measured up and pushing myself physically, made me feel happy.  I used to hate starts because my feet would scream bloody murder because we were standing on our skates most of the time waiting for our group to do starts.  This time they were still hurting, but I figured out how to do some stretching so the problem is diminished.

I was all set to go to practice the next day, Sunday, but an illness visited me that lasted the entire weekend and crept into Monday.  Well, at least now I know I can get up early enough to make it to practice and actually make it through practice.  I just need to go to bed on time, no more late Friday night Don’t Starve Together sessions with my kids. I guess that’s what weekends are for, once tax season ends.